Aliens vs. Predator vs. my wallet

by MK

There seems to be an ever-increasing epidemic amongst young directors in Hollywood: prioritizing "cool" over quality. The art of suspenseful storytelling often seems lost, and one of the most thoroughly damning pieces of evidence in support of this sad reality is the sci-fi horror hybrid, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem.


To be concise about the countless shortcomings of this film is truly a challenge. The story is uninteresting, the characters underdeveloped and the action disappointing. There will be reviewers who will have low expectations and consequently feel entertained by the title creatures battling periodically during the film. The real travesty, however, is how little was done with two of the most fascinating science-fiction franchises in movie history. Not only are the character designs classic, but the potential back story revealing the history of the two alien races remains incredibly intriguing. Yet, despite these wonderful tools with which to work, the resulting movie experience feels completely cheesy and one-dimensional.


One of the most destructive failures of this film--especially in comparison with their respective predecessors--is the complete lack of unique characters. One of the truly enjoyable experiences shared by both Alien/s and Predator (the original landmark films) is getting to know the rich cast of characters before they are inevitably hunted by the killer aliens. A movie becomes richly quotable with three-dimensional characters, and AVP:R is totally flat in every way. As a direct result, virtually every one-liner and attempt at humor is unearned and embarrassing to watch. You may want to quote the movie, but only to recall some of the more laughable moments. To even further challenge the actors, the camera work is over dramatic--making the already mediocre performances seem terrible and without motivation.


So much of the film feels forced. The tone and style is all over the map, traversing multiple genres from horror to sci-fi, romantic comedy to action-adventure. There is no anticipation built up for any of the action sequences, and the "Jaws" theory of horror (don't show the shark until after you've built up proper tension) is never used. There are lots of aliens running around, and there's just no mystery. What little attempt at mystery which was created in the ancient temple found in the first hybrid AVP was never even recalled.


Again, I could list all of the terrible choices made by the writer and director of this film, but the most important choice I can think of is the choice NOT to pay to see this cringefest. Clearly the creators crammed every "cool" thing they could think of from their own movie-watching experience without tact or control. And if you appreciate either of these wonderfully conceived original films, you will want to avoid seeing them mashed together carelessly and without respect.